A Crooked Man

A Crooked Man is the villain song of Barnaby sung in the 1997 animated film, Babes in Toyland.

Lyrics
Barnaby: (Spoken) There's nothing the matter with me

I'm not the problem, I'm never the problem

It's everyone else

(sung) I live in land of nincompoops

I curse them everyone

So feversously devoted to their laughter and their fun

I never had fun or laughter and you see I turned out fine

That's why my little scheme is so divine

Candlesticks: (sung) Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby

Barnaby: (spoken) Ah, yes

Candlesticks: (sung) There's nobody more unscrupulous the he

Barnaby: (spoken) Oh, thank you

Candlesticks: (sung) We agree that he's a miserable gent

They say he's very soul is bent.

Barnaby: Each winter I'm filled with nausea

Imagining (ugh) the toys

Constructing threatening quanities

For screeching girls and boys

This holiday they'll discover

Only the rug beneath the tree

Because I'll destroy that blasted factory

Candlesticks: Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby

(Cat meow)

Candlesticks: It's kinda if he's immorally eschewed

(Cat meow)

Candlesticks: True affection tends to make him very ill

Barnaby: Oh, yes I'll crush the toys to rubble

Burst their little bubble

Make this jolly land a place a vant to leave

I'll fill the streets with quicksand

Santa's sleigh with bricks and

I'll have myself a merry Christmas Eve

(Cat Screech)

(spoken) The clock is ticking my little factory

Your days are numbered

I'll rid them of every play things

Oh it thrills to my bones

No Red Rubber Balls, No Dainty Dolls, No Tiny Telephones

I did without such rubbish, why should everyone miss one

We'll live in a toyless world at last. HOO-RAH. Hit it, boys

Candlesticks: (sung) Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby

Barnaby: (spoken) Indescribably

Candlesticks: (sung) There's no point of view more venomous then his

Barnaby: (spoken) You're so quick to notice

Candlesticks: (sung) Tis no lie that he's a truly nasty guy

He never had a toy that's why

Oh, what a crooked man as Barnaby

Barnaby: (spoken) Undeniably

Candlesticks: (sung) There's nothing more warped than his philosophy

Barnaby: (spoken) Not even a molty glo

Candlesticks: (sung) We can plainly see why he's his only fan

(spoken) What a slimball

(sung) That Barnaby is a Crooked Man